Alignment With My Vision

Kate: 00:00:07

Welcome to the Shape of Kate I'm Kate Nankerve, your host.

Kate: 00:00:10

And after so, so many false starts, this is my journey of transformation from being unfit,

Kate: 00:00:15

overweight and lacking in energy to creating a full life, including high energy well being

Kate: 00:00:22

and a strong, fit body.

Kate: 00:00:24

Wow.

Kate: 00:00:25

I launched The Shape of Cave and I was really honest with you guys.

Kate: 00:00:30

Do you know that feeling of like when you're going to go jumping off a cliff into the lake

Kate: 00:00:36

or a river and you summon up the courage and then you're really **** scared because it's

Kate: 00:00:43

high but it looks exciting? So you get to the top of the cliff and you're

Kate: 00:00:46

like, whoa.

Kate: 00:00:46

You take your courage into your whatever.

Kate: 00:00:49

You just grab that courage and then you throw yourself off.

Kate: 00:00:52

Well, after I released that episode, I realized I felt that feeling of when you've

Kate: 00:00:58

landed in the water, you go under and you come up and you go, yes, I did it.

Kate: 00:01:03

But you also realize that you've probably exposed yourself and I know I needed to do

Kate: 00:01:09

that.

Kate: 00:01:09

So thank you to all of you who have listened

Kate: 00:01:11

so far because it was that kind of moment for me and still is to tell you guys that I'm

Kate: 00:01:19

starting this journey at 162 and a half kilograms.

Kate: 00:01:23

I didn't want to tell anyone that and now that I have, I've kind of been freed by saying it.

Kate: 00:01:28

Which feels really good because part of my intention for this podcast is to be more

Kate: 00:01:37

honest, be more myself.

Kate: 00:01:39

And that is being honest, isn't it?

Kate: 00:01:41

I'm not hiding, I'm not pretending.

Kate: 00:01:43

I mean, it's not like anyone can miss it

Kate: 00:01:44

anyway.

Kate: 00:01:45

Because when you see me, you can see that I'm

Kate: 00:01:47

around person at this point in time, but somehow in my head, that's not telling you

Kate: 00:01:53

that I'm that weight.

Kate: 00:01:54

So anyway, I've done that, which is awesome.

Kate: 00:01:56

Now, I was out for my walk this morning, so I was thinking about what would I share next

Kate: 00:02:01

with you? And I had this moment of insight, blinding,

Kate: 00:02:05

flash, whatever you call it, where I thought about another reason why or a strong

Kate: 00:02:10

motivation why I'm taking this action is that I want alignment with the vision that I have

Kate: 00:02:17

for myself.

Kate: 00:02:17

So I set myself a goal earlier this year to

Kate: 00:02:22

create more video content.

Kate: 00:02:24

And so I've been working on creating more

Kate: 00:02:26

video content, but in fact, I found it really confronting.

Kate: 00:02:29

So shout out to the awesome human that is Rachel Claver from Identifying Marketing, who

Kate: 00:02:34

I'm doing some work with in one of her programs because Rachel's been calling on us

Kate: 00:02:39

to do it.

Kate: 00:02:39

And I realized that I had some real mindset

Kate: 00:02:43

issues around me being on camera and that getting in the way of me creating content.

Kate: 00:02:49

Now, there's a range of things that I can do to manage for that, but part of it really sunk

Kate: 00:02:53

into me was that I felt it really confronting.

Kate: 00:02:56

I find it really confronting to be on video at

Kate: 00:02:59

this present time because I'm seeing the me that is the me now and it's not the me that I

Kate: 00:03:08

want to be in the world.

Kate: 00:03:09

It's not the me that I dream for myself and

Kate: 00:03:12

it's not that of me that I know I can be.

Kate: 00:03:16

I remember the amazing feeling.

Kate: 00:03:19

I remember what it felt like to feel strong and able.

Kate: 00:03:23

Free to choose whatever I wanted to do.

Kate: 00:03:25

Free to run.

Kate: 00:03:26

Free to do spin classes.

Kate: 00:03:28

Free to ride a mountain bike.

Kate: 00:03:30

Free to go for a run on a forest trail.

Kate: 00:03:34

Free to run around town.

Kate: 00:03:36

Free to dance for as long as I wanted.

Kate: 00:03:38

And also free to wear the clothes that I

Kate: 00:03:42

really love to wear.

Kate: 00:03:43

The clothes that I would fall in love with and

Kate: 00:03:46

either make because I'm a keen sewer or sewer as we called.

Kate: 00:03:50

Or buy and then put together outfits that I'd want to wear.

Kate: 00:03:54

And you know, one of the things that you can do when you're in the sort of size range where

Kate: 00:03:59

you can go out and buy clothes, which tends to be somewhere between probably an eight and 16,

Kate: 00:04:04

generally in women's clothing, you can easily make up outfits in a range of different styles

Kate: 00:04:10

to suit your vision, your choice of colors, whole bunch of different other things.

Kate: 00:04:14

When you put on a lot of weight, the options shrink.

Kate: 00:04:19

I'm just gonna say that again, the option shrink.

Kate: 00:04:21

So it's stink unless you're able to do something about that.

Kate: 00:04:26

I do manage for that because I am a Solest and I make some of my own clothes, a bunch of

Kate: 00:04:30

them, so that's cool.

Kate: 00:04:32

However, I still love to wear the clothes that

Kate: 00:04:35

I see and dream of.

Kate: 00:04:37

So that's kind of part of my vision for

Kate: 00:04:39

myself.

Kate: 00:04:39

But coming back to feeling confronted by being

Kate: 00:04:44

on video, you know, you take a bunch of different videos when you're creating a piece

Kate: 00:04:50

of content.

Kate: 00:04:50

So you're going to do you might create five or

Kate: 00:04:54

ten versions of something.

Kate: 00:04:55

When you first try something, you're going to

Kate: 00:04:57

edit that.

Kate: 00:04:58

Now when I started to see myself on video, so

Kate: 00:05:04

then I do things like I pretty much take video from my head and shoulders up.

Kate: 00:05:09

I'm not so much taking video of my whole body because that would feel uncomfortable.

Kate: 00:05:13

So all of that stuff was really prompting me inside myself without actually even thinking

Kate: 00:05:20

about it.

Kate: 00:05:21

I had to do something.

Kate: 00:05:23

There was something that had to happen because I'm determined to create the video, because I

Kate: 00:05:28

know it's the right thing to grow my business.

Kate: 00:05:30

I tell my clients to do it, I encourage my

Kate: 00:05:33

clients to do it.

Kate: 00:05:34

But here I am, I've got this internal barrier

Kate: 00:05:37

because I'm carrying this weight around.

Kate: 00:05:39

So my vision for myself, it's not just a

Kate: 00:05:43

physical one.

Kate: 00:05:44

Whilst I'm talking about some physical

Kate: 00:05:46

elements here, my vision for myself is one where I am well, I am fit and I am able and

Kate: 00:05:54

I'm in a good space psychologically and spiritually and intellectually.

Kate: 00:06:00

And for me, being slowed down, being made unwell by being overweight, that's not the

Kate: 00:06:07

space where I feel at my best.

Kate: 00:06:10

So in order to get where I want to be, I felt

Kate: 00:06:14

this kind of motivation from somewhere.

Kate: 00:06:18

And then I connected with Cheryl, and that was

Kate: 00:06:20

actually through Rachel Carter, which was awesome.

Kate: 00:06:23

And so the pathway kind of revealed itself because Cheryl turned up in my life and is

Kate: 00:06:28

awesome.

Kate: 00:06:28

To help me move towards the vision that I have

Kate: 00:06:32

for myself, I am pulling out some old photos of myself and when I was fitter and stronger,

Kate: 00:06:38

I'm pulling out photos of when I was wearing the clothes that I love to wear.

Kate: 00:06:43

And I'm working on defining what that vision can look like and also what it can be like

Kate: 00:06:51

along the way and how I can start stepping into that.

Kate: 00:06:54

And also I'm going to take the perfectionist judgment monkey off my shoulder, start

Kate: 00:07:03

creating more video content, regardless of what size I'm at.

Kate: 00:07:07

So I'm going to start creating it now.

Kate: 00:07:09

But I wanted to say that out loud and share it

Kate: 00:07:11

with you because there are probably many of you who may be listening to this, who are in

Kate: 00:07:16

business and also may have to create content and might choose to create video content.

Kate: 00:07:21

You might identify with some of what I'm talking about here.

Kate: 00:07:24

So if where I was at was out of alignment with the vision that I have for myself, then it's

Kate: 00:07:32

great to be moving towards that vision.

Kate: 00:07:35

I also you can tell I like to talk.

Kate: 00:07:38

Well, I love to talk, really, and I love to talk with other people.

Kate: 00:07:40

But part of my vision is also to do more speaking work and in order to be alignment

Kate: 00:07:46

with the person I want to be in the speaking work I want to do again, that shift has to

Kate: 00:07:51

happen for me.

Kate: 00:07:52

Now, I know there's a lot in this whole topic

Kate: 00:07:55

and conversation because I probably talk some people along the way who are advocates in the

Kate: 00:08:02

body positivity movement.

Kate: 00:08:04

I come from the perspective where I think I

Kate: 00:08:08

grew up in the say in my teenage years, and all the messages were to be slim and to or

Kate: 00:08:17

probably be quite skinny, really.

Kate: 00:08:18

Supermodels were very much the order of the

Kate: 00:08:22

day in terms of the ideal role model.

Kate: 00:08:24

And El MacPherson was probably totally there.

Kate: 00:08:27

So when I was at school, I didn't think even though I wasn't actually overweight, I didn't

Kate: 00:08:33

think I was right.

Kate: 00:08:34

So I started dieting at school.

Kate: 00:08:36

It's nuts, isn't it? And I remember doing the bread diet, which

Kate: 00:08:41

literally was you'd take like, we ate Vogels, so it was a nice bread, but you'd take vocals

Kate: 00:08:47

and all you'd eat on I think it was alternate days.

Kate: 00:08:50

You'd eat bread on one day and then you have a regular day of regular food and then the third

Kate: 00:08:55

day, bread, regular food.

Kate: 00:08:58

Bread, regular food.

Kate: 00:08:59

So literally you could toast the bread.

Kate: 00:09:01

I think we could probably put some marmite on

Kate: 00:09:03

the bread.

Kate: 00:09:04

Oh my God, was that boring.

Kate: 00:09:08

You know, vogue bread, the bread diets.

Kate: 00:09:11

And I do remember I lost a few kilos, but I

Kate: 00:09:13

really didn't need to.

Kate: 00:09:15

It's just that I was really stuck in the

Kate: 00:09:18

comparison trap.

Kate: 00:09:19

That because I wasn't like who I was seeing or

Kate: 00:09:23

I wasn't like my school buddies who were smaller frames than me because I grew to

Kate: 00:09:29

between 510 and eleven, that's 5ft, ten something when I was twelve and I was just a

Kate: 00:09:37

stronger build than some of the other girls in my class who were shorter than me.

Kate: 00:09:41

Probably should have been smaller than me because they were shorter than me.

Kate: 00:09:44

So yeah, this whole area, I guess, of dissatisfaction with myself started quite

Kate: 00:09:52

young.

Kate: 00:09:52

So anyway.

Kate: 00:09:53

When I think about that now and I think about the amount of time I have wasted in my life

Kate: 00:10:00

thinking about or focusing upon dieting and losing weight in an unproductive sense.

Kate: 00:10:06

Rather than focusing on well being and getting strong and being fit for the life that I want.

Kate: 00:10:13

Which is totally where I'm at now.

Kate: 00:10:16

And also acknowledging that all the I'm going

Kate: 00:10:19

to say mind fuckery that has happened as a result of dieting and the mind fuckery that

Kate: 00:10:25

has happened as a result of the loss.

Kate: 00:10:29

Grief.

Kate: 00:10:30

Heartbreak.

Kate: 00:10:30

Trauma that I've experienced in my life that

Kate: 00:10:33

caused the overeating that resulted in me being the weight and size that I am now.

Kate: 00:10:39

I do need to take some action to create balance because I guess I'm not someone I'm

Kate: 00:10:47

not going to just change a few things and hope that I get there.

Kate: 00:10:50

I really want to get there.

Kate: 00:10:52

I want to be able to go on a biking holiday

Kate: 00:10:57

next year.

Kate: 00:10:58

I want to be able to do all the things.

Kate: 00:11:01

I'd like to be able to ski again.

Kate: 00:11:03

I would like to do so many things, so

Kate: 00:11:07

visualizing myself and my business, being active, being on stage, speaking, and being in

Kate: 00:11:15

alignment with that vision that I have myself.

Kate: 00:11:18

Like being fit, being strong, and being able

Kate: 00:11:21

to share this journey that I'm on because that's probably going to be part of the

Kate: 00:11:25

speaking.

Kate: 00:11:25

I can imagine it will get there, but it's so

Kate: 00:11:29

important.

Kate: 00:11:30

So I thought today was a good day to talk

Kate: 00:11:33

about alignment with my vision because when I stopped and thought about it, I thought about

Kate: 00:11:39

how key that was.

Kate: 00:11:41

Thank you again for listening to episode

Kate: 00:11:43

number two of The Shape of Kate.

Kate: 00:11:45

I really appreciate the level of interest and

Kate: 00:11:50

support and love and compassion and kindness and just share beautiful humanity.

Kate: 00:11:57

And those of you who have reached out to me already, I'm really grateful for it.

Kate: 00:12:01

Thank you.

Kate: 00:12:01

It moves me.

Kate: 00:12:02

You'll probably start crying out and I look forward to sharing more of my journey with

Kate: 00:12:05

you.

Kate: 00:12:06

Thanks for listening to the Shape of Cake

Kate: 00:12:07

today.